WHY WE FIGHT: How To Have A GOOD Fight

Fighting is not fun. It makes us feel uncomfortable at the very utterance of the word FIGHT!

Our minds race back and forth picturing, and at times even reliving, every Fight we have ever had.

But FIGHTING is inevitable. You may not have ‘knock down, drag out’ fights, but we all fight something or someone on a daily basis.  It is, like I said, INEVITABLE!

Why?  Because, from the beginning mankind has strove to go his own way and walk away from God. The first fight occurred between the Creator and His Created Beings.  God told Adam and Eve that they could have EVERYTHING they wanted in the Paradise He created for them, except just one thing!  They wanted the one thing they could not have.

Their fight was against themselves.

Were they going to trust that God was giving them everything good, and saving them from the bad? Or, were they going to give into the temptation that they could be as wise as God and figure it out for themselves? 

That’s right, PRIDE entered the world and PRIDE won!

You and I as God’s created beings, deal with the same issue of PRIDE as Adam and Eve did. We must make choices each and every day to give into our PRIDE or chose God’s way.

Pride says, “that’s not fair, I was here first,” and we throw a nasty look someone’s way and stand our ground in line!  Or, we rev our car engine and pull swiftly in front of the car that cut us off!

Pride says, “I’m smarter than you are, therefore, I deserve to be revered!”

Pride says, “I am better than you are, and you do not deserve my time or effort!”

Pride says, “I deserve to have my needs met and if you are not doing that as my friend or relative or spouse, then I will no longer be in a relationship with you!”

Everyone of these categories of PRIDE produces FIGHTS that turn out BAD!

Bad for our hearts, emotions and feelings, as well as the hearts, emotions and feelings of those we fight with or against. Bad for our world to see and witness as we desire to have a loving witness for Christ. BAD, and even potentially devastating for those we are in relationship with!

Any FIGHT that we engage in that stems from PRIDE is only going to turn out BAD!

So, you may be thinking, Lisa, Where is the Good News?

I’m glad you asked!

Because Fighting is inevitable, we can learn how to have a “GOOD FIGHT!”

In the garden, Adam and Eve chose their PRIDE and it ended up in a BAD FIGHT!  One that separated them from God! 

We want our fights to be good fights so that they bring healing and restoration to our relationships! Had Adam and Eve chosen to have a “GOOD FIGHT”, the outcome could have been very different for them and for us!

This past Saturday night we had a ‘Couples FIGHT NIGHT,’ at our Church!  


We listened to Dr.’s Les and Leslie Parrott, experts in the field of relationships and married to each other for over 30 years, share on FIGHTING GOOD.

My husbands greatest take away was a Soccer illustration…

“Instead of seeing the other person as OPPONENTS to score against, let’s view ourselves as on the same TEAM!  Let’s pass the ball to each other and work on scoring goals together!”




We FIGHT because we see things differently. WE FIGHT because we are DIFFERENT and our perception of things is therefore DIFFERENT! 

This causes us to approach our problems differently and much of the time, when we let PRIDE creep in, we see the other person as nothing but an opponent trying to score against us!

The CORE of a GOOD FIGHT is:

C – Cooperation

O – Ownership

R – Respect

E – Empathy

When we set our PRIDE aside and realize that we are on the same team and our goal is to “score” a good relationship we:

COOPERATE with each other, listening to the others perspective and giving it worth and value.  

OWN our part in the fight; what did we do to offend or hurt, ignore or criticize.

RESPECT the others perspective and point of view.

EMPATHIZE with the others feelings, perspectives and emotions.

If the first man and woman ever created got it wrong, chances are we will too.  But with God’s help we can work harder to get it right and instead of Fighting Bad, we can Fight Good!

God fights for us, so is it not right that we fight for each other?  Fight to have a good and right relationship with all those He puts in our lives!


After all, we only get one life on this earth, there are no “do overs!” We should strive to FIGHT GOOD with each other as we live to FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, and say allow with the Apostle Paul,

I have fought the GOOD FIGHT, I have finished the race, I have kept the Faith.” 

 II Timothy 4:7

Speak Truth Love

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