The Four Loves, Week 3

Yes, this is the week, the week you have either been looking forward to, or dreading!

ROMANTIC LOVE brings up all sorts of mixed feelings and emotions! Some of us cannot wait to talk about it, while others of us would rather suck on a sour lemon!

You may have been blessed to be raised in a home where this kind of love was demonstrated between a loving and committed mother and father.

You may have been raised in a home where quite the opposite was demonstrated. Where love was conditional and even demanded. Where love was performance based and given out only when expectations were met.

This type of LOVE is the LOVE we all think about first when we hear the word,


But regardless of your upbringing, views or opinions on the subject, God clearly speaks about EROS LOVE in His Word.

And even though the greek word EROS, lends us to lean into “erotic love”, to do so would be “putting the cart before the horse,” so to speak! The picture depicted in God’s Word, is one of committed, exclusive love that chooses the other, protects the other and puts the others needs above their own!

Song of Solomon 3:2: “I will search for the one I love.

True love is exclusive…”for the ONE I love.” Not the many, not the one right now, but THE ONE!

True Love is also choosen! The One, “I will search for…” This love is a love that is sought after and chosen!

In this beautiful song from one lover to another, the young woman here says,

Song of Solomon 2:16: “My lover is mine and I am his…

She is confident and sure of her lover’s love for her. Why, because he wrote a sonnet, bought an expensive gift, or demonstrated his love for her physically? No, because he has given her the greatest gift in knowing that she is CHOSEN by him, BELONGS to him, and is SOUGHT AFTER by him. There is no greater sense of felling loved than that!

True Love is an exclusive love that puts the other first!




Philippians 2:4: “Each of you should look not only to his own
interests, but also to the interests of others.

When this type of love is accomplished, then and only then, is romantic love completed in sexual love.

Sexual desire is created by God, but it is not to be confused with LUST!

The dictionary definition of LUST is: “The intense sexual desire or appetite. A passionate or overmastering desire or craving.”

This definition itself causes us to yield, and take note of our motives and desires.

Are we in this for ourself? Is our desire to please and feed the hungry appetite of our sexual desire?

C.S. Lewis, in his chapter on EROS LOVE, in his book ‘The Four Loves’, gives this warning:

“What is feared is pre-occupation, the need of constantly ‘pleasing’ – that is, considering – one’s partner…”


“It is marriage itself, not the marriage bed, that will be likely to hinder us from waiting uninterruptedly on God.”

I know that’s a mouth full! But basically, Lewis is telling us here that if we desire the true EROS love that God desires for us in a marriage relationship then we must look to Philippians 2:4, and put the needs of the one we love, before our own needs! And yes, I believe that God is clearly telling us here that TRUE LOVE, EROS LOVE is only found in marriage.

My lover is mine and I am his.

Song of Songs 2:16
This is an exclusive LOVE! This is a committed LOVE! This is a love that seeks the best interest of the other, AKA, THE BELOVED!

Lewis puts it like this,

“EROS LOVE reduces the nagging and addictive character of mere sexual appetite.”

He also adds,

“It lends, no doubt, to a pre-occupation with the beloved.”

This is God’s desire for His children. To love like this and to be loved like this.

But it is not God’s plan for everyone! There are examples in The Word of God that point this out. The apostle Paul is the most obvious. He dedicated his life to serving God and not finding this kind of Love.

If you have this love, guard protect and celebrate it. Work hard to keep it in the confines of God’s desire for it!

If you do not have this kind of love, then know that you are loved exclusively, chosen and desired by your Father God, and He will supply all your needs.



This is a tough one to share about! It produces warm and fuzzy feeling in some, and confusion and frustration in others. But we would be negligent not to speak about it. Why, because God speaks about it! We as His children have the obligation to speak about it in Love. To clearly share the guidelines He has drawn, and to not allow the world to describe it for us!

Remember, ultimately , perfect love is found in no one else, ONLY JESUS!

None of us can love properly, or be loved properly, without God’s Love!

I love you all and look forward to seeing you back here next week and we tackle the most powerful of all the LOVES!

Speak Truth Love

2 thoughts on “The Four Loves, Week 3

  1. Whew😬 Boy oh boy! I certainly struggle with this one and putting my husbands needs before my own. I let myself get so offended by the littlest of offenses (ie, when he gets distracted during a conversation or shoots a facial expression that boils my blood!) Why do I not understand by now after almost 21 years of marriage that I need to stop sweating the small stuff and just love him the way God wants me to love him? I need to focus on how much deeper our love has grown throughout the years and know that it is God’s hand in our marriage. Maybe when he looks at me with one of his quirky facials I should visualize the dozen beautiful red roses he gave me for Valentines and the card proclaiming his love for me and reminding me of what a good wife and mother that I am. I pray that God help me make this adjustment to set me free to love “EROS” style! Thanks for broaching this difficult topic Lis, I love you SO😍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sure stated it beautifully Sista!!! We all struggle with putting others needs in front of our own! Worse yet, we get offended easily!!! Thank you for always sharing truthfully from your heart! You bless and encourage me so!!! XOXO Lis


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