I just hit the nine week mark in my healing journey. It is time for me to get back up on the horse! 

While this may be an “idiom,”  a frequently quoted saying that is understood to mean, “you fall down and you get back up again,” I experienced it as a young girl in a very literal sense!

I was raised in the city, but I lived in an area that was zoned for horses. We had an acre and a quarter of property with two big backyards. The second backyard held two horse corrals and a small barn that held grain and tack supplies. The Hay bales were piled outside the back of the barn and when they were first delivered we had a blast building hay forts! However, that’s a story for another time.

My aunt, uncle and cousins lived down the street and around the corner and they had an even bigger backyard. While my dad was building our horse corral, we boarded our horses at their house. This is where my story takes place.

I have three sisters, I am the oldest of four girls. Our dad was an athlete and an outdoorsman. He had many loves in his life, but one of his greatest was horses! He taught us all to ride and how to take care of them. One afternoon our washing machine had broken down and my mom told me that I needed to go to the laundromat with her. We dropped my sisters Lori and Lynnie off with my cousins around the corner and we took off for the laundromat. My mom and I had not been at the laundromat long when my cousins car came roaring up to the front with a sudden halt! Lynnie jumped out of the car crying hysterically. She was three years younger and had been bucked off the back of the horse with a very sore and bruised tailbone. Lori stepped out the car slowly with a washcloth draped over the top of her arm and she was clearly in shock!

Both of my sisters were riding bareback on one of the horses when one of my cousins who wanted to ride and was mad because she wasn’t, threw rocks at the horse. The horse was spooked and started bucking, Lynnie slid off the back and hit the ground hard and Lori hung on for a while and was then thrown into the barbed wire fence. From the top of her under arm, nearly halfway down to her elbow the barbed wire had ripped it clean open! Many stitches were needed and the scars can still be found. When my dad came home from work he talked with all of us. He said, 

“When your arm is healed, we will all go over and ‘get back up on that horse!’ My dad knew that if we did not face our fear and get back up on that horse, time would go by, the fear would grow stronger, and we would never get back on the horse! 

I cannot even imagine how hard that had to be for Lynnie and Lori, who had experienced the trauma of being bucked off and hurt, but I am so thankful that my dad taught us the valuable lesson of, ‘GETTING BACK UP ON THE HORSE!’

As I take steps back into “normalcy,“ I find myself treading lightly!

Yes, I am in my ninth week post surgery, and the gas bubble is finally gone (PRAISE GOD) but my vision is still not 100%, the blurriness is ever present and my confidence level is less than sterling!

I know I need to get back up on the horse again, but I am less than confident about being back in the saddle.

Have you ever been in a bad situation and after it’s over you are still in a little bit of shock?

Maybe you have gone through a fierce rain storm and it finally ends and you are cautious about putting your patio furniture back out for fear it could hit again.

Or maybe you’ve been camping and the winds flare up and the thunder strikes and the rain begins to pour all over your camping equipment. You pull everything in and huddle up and finally it’s over! But you hesitate to step back outside not sure if it’s going to start up again.

Or maybe like me, you have been caught in a fire storm where you had to throw everything you could quickly get your hands on into your car and flee!

I still sleep with certain items under my bed that I feel like I could not live without, so I could quickly grab them in case of another emergency.

I still have no answers as to why my retina detached from my right eye. I also have no guarantees that it won’t happen again! 

Due to the trauma of no reason and no warning for my detached retina, I am timid to jump back into some of my normal routines. I have walked frequently, and have even resumed some of my hikes with my husband. But starting up my normal exercise routine where jumping and lifting and quick movements are involved… I am Trepid!

I know I need to, “GET BACK UP ON THE HORSE,” but I also know that it is going to take more than I have in my own strength to do it!

God promises that His grace is sufficient for me!

TRUTH BOMB

WHEN IT’S TIME TO GET BACK UP ON YOUR HORSE, GOD’S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT TO GET US BACK IN THE SADDLE!

Whatever “horse” obstacle you are facing that is keeping you from being back in the saddle again, know that God‘s grace is sufficient for you!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

II Corinthians 12:9

God‘s grace is sufficient for us to get back up on the horse again and into the saddle because in our weakness His power is made perfect!

We may be weak, but He is strong! And when we give our weakness to Him, His power perfects our weakness and we are able to get back up on the horse and back in the saddle again!

Speak Truth Love

Yesterday was nine weeks into my recovery, and the bubble went “POOF!”

The bubble didn’t go “POOF,” at six weeks, and it didn’t go “POOF,” at seven weeks and it didn’t even go “POOF,” at eight weeks, even though I was told it would be between 6-8 weeks! No, God‘s timing is not man’s timing. And even though I prayed it would be six weeks God knew it would be nine.

I woke up yesterday morning, the morning that marked nine weeks after my surgery when the gas bubble was placed in my eye in order to perform the surgery, and the bubble was gone! God took it away in His timing, not my timing and not the timing of the medical professionals, HIS TIMING!

I am learning much about God‘s timing and the one thing I know most about it is, IT’S NOT MY TIMING!

Nine weeks ago my timing was to be in Southern California with my four grand children splashing in the ocean waves and digging in the sand. But God’s timing was for me to be cared for by a Christian surgeon when my retina detached from my right eye.

My timing was to fly in an airplane halfway across the country to attend a family wedding! God’s timing was for me to heal with my eye parallel to the ground for several weeks and not go above 1000 feet.

My timing was to spend much of my summer helping my children with their children while they had mission trips, children’s camps, and many events! God’s timing was for my children and even my grandchildren to care for me while I healed.

My timing was to heal quickly, even quicker than the doctors said. But God’s timing was for me to heal slowly so that I would not miss the fact that He was in control and I was not!

This emergency surgery in my life has taught me many lessons, some I’m sure I will continue to learn as the days and weeks and months pass by. But one lesson I know for sure that I have learned, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that God’s timing is perfect and mine is not! The best part of this lesson is that I am thrilled that His timing is perfect. He knows everything and I do not!

I can plan but only God can perfectly provide!

God provides all that I need, when I need it, perfectly on time!

THIS HAS BEEN A JOURNEY OF FAITH! I HAVE HAD TO TRUST GOD FOR HIS PLAN AND LET GO OF MINE!

He has perfectly provided all that I have needed when I have needed it.

God knows what I do not know and my faith has increased as I have trusted Him for His timing!

TRUTH BOMB

God’s timing is perfectly on time every time!

“Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Speak Truth Love

I have had a fetish for bubbles ever since I was a little girl! 

Balloons, not so much! An early childhood party game scarred me for life and made me a ballon hater! Do you know the game I’m talking about? Everyone at the party lines up in two lines, like a relay. There is a chair in front of each line about 100 feet in front of you and it is facing you. Each willing or unwilling participant in line is handed a balloon that is fully blown up. When the “master of ceremonies,“ or parent in most cases, counts to three and says go, everyone runs forward to the chair and places the balloon on it. Then that same person begins sitting on the balloon over and over until it POPS!

That’s right, you heard me, you sit on it until it pops! What sadistic adult decided this was a great game for kids to play. It sounds like a gunshot goes off the minute you land plop flat on the surface of a hard chair! I need to say no more to express to you why I am a balloon hater! 

Bubbles however, I am in love with those beautiful, translucent, soft floating, silent-popping, gems which quietly fall in beautiful goodness!

My grandma blew bubbles with me when I was young and we would laugh and chase them to see how many we could pop before they popped. Now I blow bubbles with my grandchildren and we run and laugh and chase them and try to see how many we can pop before they pop by themselves!

Bubbles are beautiful to watch as they float slowly down to earth and seem to capture every beautiful piece of light behind them! You can see through them in their transparency, but until they pop there is still only a partial complete picture.

Right now, I am looking at life through a bubble. Yesterday marked week eight of my healing journey. I fully expected to be writing this Blog in celebration of my recovery being complete. There is no greater lesson that I have learned through this eight week journey then that God is in control of the outcome and not me! 

I am still seeing life through a bubble. A literal bubble, a gas bubble that still remains in my eye from surgery 8 weeks ago! I have vision, but much like those beautiful translucent bubbles I enjoy blowing and chasing, it is partial and unclear. 

As this bubble persists, I am reminded of a spiritual truth that it represents!

“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” 

 I Corinthians 13:12

This scripture speaks to the spiritual Truth that until we see Jesus face-to-face everything else we see is dim. It is simply a reflection of the perfection that awaits for us in heaven!

Perfection is not possible on this earth. We are flawed, imperfect and only a mere reflection of what we will be in heaven when we are made perfect! The world we live in is also flawed and imperfect. As beautiful as the trees are as they stand tall full of green leaves, the season will change and the leaves will turn and wither and fall and they will stand bare and imperfect! 

So, I am choosing to thank God today that my bubble has not yet gone, “Poof,” and that I am still seeing imperfectly through it! Because it continues to teach me that even though things are not perfect now, they will be perfect on the day I see Jesus face-to-face! 

PRAISE HIM!

TRUTH BOMB

True perfection will only be seen when we see Jesus face-to-face!

Speak Truth Love

I had my blog pre-written for this week. It was exciting and celebratory and I was going to tell you that my bubble went, “POOF!”

The last time I had gone to see my surgeon that’s what he had said to me.

“The gas bubble I had to put in your eyes to operate, will continue to dissipate down to the bottom of your right eye. It will then look like a pebble and, “Poof,” it will be gone!”

Yesterday marks 7 weeks into my recovery… I have been waiting for two weeks for the “Poof”, and it has not happened!

I am still in the waiting. I have a gas bubble in the bottom of my right eye that still impairs my vision and leaves it blurry. It is moving constantly and as a very good friend of mine described it, it is like the bubble in a level! I am waiting for balance to return back to my vision!

Know, if I have come off in my blogs sounding impatient…that’s because I am! I was told it would take 6-8 weeks for the bubble to fully dissipate, but I was completely leaning on the side of six weeks, not seven and moving into eight!  

I want to share with you that I have learned to be patient… But I’m not sure that I have I also want to share with you that I have learned great perseverance… But I’m not sure that I have? And I would really love to tell you that I have learned to be content in all situations… But let’s face it, I’m not the apostle Paul!

But what I can tell you is I have learned to walk side by side with my God.

He truly has been the only one that I could see clearly during this entire seven weeks! I have been gently reminded by Him that His desire is to walk with me, to talk with me and to just be with me! He doesn’t require me having 2020 vision, or being whole or even healed, He just requires my presence! 

“And they heard The sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day…The Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you!”

Genesis 3:8-9

From the beginning of creation God has wanted to walk with His children. God was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, this was no first time occurrence, it was a regular occurrence. It was obvious that God expected His children to be there waiting for Him and looking for Him.

When He did not see them He called out to them!

God created them out of nothing and He put His own breath of life and His very own spirit into them, and then He wanted to walk with them!

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned from this frustratingly long process is that God is also waiting for me. He is waiting for me to slow down!

He is waiting for me to stop focusing on what I want and focus on desiring Him! He is waiting for me to take my eyes off of my circumstances and look to Him! He is not only waiting for me to, “BE STILL AND KNOW.” He is also longing for me to walk with Him!

Walking is an action, it is a movement, and walking together means we are in sync with each other! We can walk and communicate with each other or we can just walk and simply be together.

I am in awe that the God of the entire universe that created every living being desires to walk with me! 

While I am waiting for my bubble to go

“POOF,” and long after it is gone, I will walk with God!

I praise God for the quiet that has been forced into my life and caused me to realize my great God desires to walk with me!

TRUTH BOMB

GOD DESIRES TO MEET HIS CHILDREN IN THE GARDEN FOR A WALK!

God desires to walk with all of His children! Will you slow down long enough to meet Him in the garden for a walk?

Speak Truth Love

Yesterday marked week 6 of my healing journey. 12 hours after my emergency surgery to re-attach my detached retina, my surgeon told me that it would be a long recovery, and that my cooperation would be critical to regaining my eyesight. I was thinking he was talking about two weeks, maybe three. And even if needed, it couldn’t be more than four weeks. 

But my surgeon looked directly at me and said, “It will be a 6-8 week healing process.”  I sure was hoping it would be closer to the six weeks. But today I find myself, one day past my 6 week mark, and I am still waiting. 

Sure, there has been much healing that has taken place. While I cannot say my right eye looks normal again just yet, it is day by day returning to its former appearance. I am no longer having to lay face down with my eye parallel to the ground for hours on end. The eyedrops I am required to take have been reduced from 4 drops, 4 times a day, to 2 drops, 2 times a day. Vision has begun to return to my right eye, and I can now see well out of the top of it. And that bothersome gas bubble has slowly started to dissipate. But it still remains at the bottom of my right eye, as a nagging reminder that I am still waiting. 

So, the question for how I am going to live my life currently remains in the waiting. Granted, there are times of frustration and fatigue. But through it all, I choose to worship. I choose to worship the God who has stood beside me through the beginning of this, and who will take me through to the end of this! My mantra has been, “While I wait, I will worship.” That phrase comes from a song I find myself singing over and again, to remind myself. Lincoln Brewster sings, “I live by faith, and not by sight. Sometimes miracles take time…”  

These words have become the capstone of my waiting for God’s healing. It is one thing to say these words when I have complete eyesight in two healthy eyes, and I have often sung this song in the past. But as I sing these words now in worship to my God, they have a more profound meaning than ever before. I have learned not to take my sight for granted. I came face to face with the fact that I could lose my sight, in a day. But my faith and my expression of my faith to God in worship is not dependent on what I can physically see! It is completely dependent on what I spiritually know!

My God is faithful. My God is true. My God heals. And my God delivers. And I will worship Him no matter what. Whether I have my sight physically, or whether I only have my sight spiritually!

Lincoln Brewster comes near to the end of the song: “Though I don’t understand it, I will worship with my pain. You are God, You are worthy. You are with me all the way.” It is easier to worship God when life is good and we have things going our way. But God is worthy of our worship at all times, because He is there with us through all times, even through the dark valleys, and life’s disappointments!

“So while I wait, I will worship. Lord, I’ll worship Your name.

Though I don’t have all the answers, still I trust You all the same.”  So while I am still in this waiting game, I will choose to worship God, for He is worthy of all my praise.  

The Israelites, still in slavery in Egypt, hearing Moses, responded, “And they believed. And when they heard that the Lord was concerned about them and had seen their misery, they bowed down and worshiped.”  Exodus 4:31

Isn’t that interesting? The Israelites worshiped God, even before He lifted one mighty finger to deliver them. That they understood that God cared about them in their suffering, was reason enough to worship! I too have felt and experienced my God’s compassionate care in my waiting. So what will I do while I wait? I will worship the Lord!

TRUTH BOMB

Our God is worthy of our worship, even while we wait!

Speak Truth Love

It can be hard to see the light when we are in the dark. When everything around you is darkness, it’s hard to remember that the light is still there. Even though I absolutely love sunrise and daylight, and prefer it when the light is bright, clear, and evident, it does not mean that I do not appreciate the sunset and understand that the moon’s glow still casts light. 

Yesterday marked five weeks of my healing process. The majority of that time, my right eye has been mainly dark with shadowy glimpses of light. And that is simply stating the physical facts. The mental game of wondering if my eyesight will ever return fully, coupled with the emotional state of waiting for the light to return, and the spiritual state of clinging to God through the light times that bring hope, and the dark times that feel hopeless, brought times that felt dark, with little light. The truth is, the Light is always there. Jesus is constant through the brightest moments of our life, as well as through the darkest valleys! His light shines in us and through us, and all around us, at all times if we belong to Him. Jesus is the Light, in every situation we face! Our responsibility is to look to the Light, and trust in Him to illuminate our dark places!

This fifth week brought me to my doctor’s visit with my surgeon. The physical appearance of my eye is much reduced swelling, and much less looking like a cyclops. My long-awaited eye test, which showed zero visibility the first time, revealed nothing but black. I could see no light whatsoever. 

I am going to be very vulnerable now, and share with you that the first eye exam, only 12 hours after surgery, produced severe anxiety. I felt extremely nauseous, dizzy, and faint. But after 5 weeks of trusting the Light, calling on the Light, and leaning into the Light, my eye exam this time produced 20/20 vision!  

I’d love to tell you that it’s been “light” and easy these past weeks, but that’s not been the case. Through it all, however, the Light has continued shine and guide my path. John the Apostle writes, “And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). 

I still have the gas bubble in my eye, and it continues to dissipate. I pray it will soon be gone, but it has been clear that the light that Jesus brings has shone through my entire experience! At times, it has been a bright beacon that is undeniable! Like when He provided a God-honoring doctor to perform my retina reattachment surgery, and walk me through this healing process. At other times, it has been evident, but dull, as I have clearly been in God’s waiting room, learning patience upon patience upon patience. And at other times, it has been nothing more than a reflection of Jesus Himself, as He has held my hand and walked with me through the darkest moments!

TRUTH BOMB

The light of Jesus is ever present, and it overcomes any darkness we go through!

Speak Truth Love

Yesterday marked the completion of week 4 in my recovery. Week 3 was by far the most difficult week physically, and the discouragement threatened to take hold. But through the faithful encouragement of God through His Word, and the loyal committed and loving people in my life, I was sustained. 

In the second week of my recovery, when my face was straight down, eyes parallel to the ground most of the days, my daughter came to me with tears in her eyes. She didn’t understand why I had to go through something like this, but she believed God had given her one of the reasons. She had been praying for the last couple of months about who the speaker should be for their quarterly Mom’s Night event. She looked straight at me and said, “Mom, I’ve asked God over and over, and I believe it’s supposed to be you.”  I wish this had not been my initial response, but I have committed to being authentic in this Blog. I laughed! How in the world could she be serious?  Besides my eye looking horrific, somewhat like a cyclops, I still had no vision in my right eye at all, and laying face down for two weeks had left me nauseous and dizzy. My girl is my “no nonsense, take care of business, steady Eddy, gift from God.” She meant what she was saying, and believed with all her heart that God had affirmed it. 

If I have learned anything in my 62 years, it is not to say no to God. I said, with tears in my eyes, back to her, that I would do it. I was so honored and so very humbled that she would believe in me. I began praying about it. They had a theme, “I Will Choose to Cultivate a Culture of Intentionality in my Home.”  And a Scripture verse: “Her children arise and call her blessed…”  Proverbs 31:28. 

But if God wanted me to speak for Him, I fully believed He would accelerate my healing process and make that possible!

Now if you remember my third week, the week I committed to this, that was my worst week ever. I made it through and assumed that God had one week left.  As time drew closer and closer to the event, my heart began to sink. Maybe Christina heard wrong?  There was no way that I could walk up on that stage unassisted, let alone speak God’s truth without falling over or tripping on something! And I certainly wouldn’t be wearing any makeup on that right eye, that I still couldn’t even flush with water.  My mind began swirling as I continually asked God over and over, “How am I going to do this?”  

The day of the event, I spent all morning and into the afternoon, writing my message on binder paper, as well and as big and as legible as I could. My head was spinning as my partial sight, which was returning to my right eye, halfway down, was still blurred. My left eye, battling to correct the vision, was blurry also. I would write, and then I’d have to stop and rest my eyes, and then continue writing. My goal was to get it onto my iPad, and then increase the font size. But there was no way my worn out eyes were going to allow that to happen. I resigned myself to the fact that I would be walking on stage, with assistance, holding 15 ripped out spiral notebook paper (can anybody say old school?) and give it my best shot. 

I do want to stop here and praise God, that He, through the 2 weeks, continuously helped me to fight through it and not give up. My daughter is the most sincere, dedicated, committed godly woman I know. She had heard from God that it was supposed to be me. So I had no doubt that God had a plan for me to be on that stage that night. My problem was, I had no idea what God was going to do with me in my fragile, weak state. 

The energy in the room that night was amazing! The humble, dedicated servants that had worked so hard to make that place look so warm and welcoming to those mammas renewed my spirit for God’s people and their commitment to one another. This was God’s night, and I knew He had already shown up. All I had to do was trust Him and step out in faith!

I made it on stage with no assistance. I may have looked like I was 82 walking up those stairs, but I did it. I sat my notes on the podium and realized immediately as i looked down on them, I could not read one thing I had written on that paper. This was God’s night and He and only He knew what those women needed to hear. I trusted Him for it and I started speaking and never stopped for 40 minutes straight!  God had given me a message and had written it on my heart. He brought everything to my mind, just when I needed it. I pray with all my heart that those sweet mamas were blessed. They, beyond a shadow of a doubt, knew that I loved them, but God loved loved them more! But this Mama/Mamma was touched beyond measure. My God showed me that He will use me, even in my fragility and weakness.

As Paul says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

2 Corinthians 12:10

Truth Bomb

Our Fragility & Weakness Is Not An Obstacle for God!

Speak Truth Love

Knowing Truth

Reading Truth

Clinging to Truth

Claim what you know to be true, so you can cling to what will become true!

What I Know to be Truth:

I know God created me and my eyes, and His plan was for me to see. 

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.”  

Psalm 139:13-14

What I Know to be Truth:

I know God led me to a godly doctor, who prayed with me and was available to do the surgery immediately, when it needed to be done(He actually stayed late to do the surgery).

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  

Matthew 7:11

What I Know to be Truth:

I know that it was God’s perfect timing, in allowing my husband to have time off and to walk through the surgery and the first appointments with me. 

What I Read in God’s Truth: 

“Two are better than one, for they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”   Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

What I Know to be Truth:

I know that God surrounded me with His angels and held my hand through the almost two hour surgery as I was awake for it. As I was completely strapped down, I had to give my claustrophobia to God and remain perfectly still and He helped me through it.

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”  Isaiah 26:3

Clinging to Truth: 

Because I know the truth, because I read God’s truth, I can cling to God’s truth when I am about to lose my grip! 

Yesterday marked Week 3 for me in my recovery. I expected week 3 to be better than weeks 1 and 2. After all, isn’t that what recovery implies? It should get better and better each week, if not each day. But week 3 for me was the hardest of all. This active body that loves to do, do, do, and go, go, go, actually started to feel physical harm from not being able to use my body like I used to. Having to be in one position, having to not move, proved to be as frustrating and excruciating as the waiting. But as I felt my grip releasing, I knew that in order not to fall, I had to cling to the truth, and not simply give in to my circumstances. God’s evident and active hand over me from the beginning of this has been obvious to me. His word is Truth and I know it never fails. God has proven this to me over and over again. I know this will pass, and I know this is part of the healing process. And above all, I know that my grip is firm as I hold fast to the truth about God and his grip on me!

Truth Bomb

God’s grip on me is always firmer than my grip on Him!

And my grip grows weak, I will keep knowing, reading, and clinging to God’s Truth. I know that this formula God has for me is that same formula that God has for you. So keep your grip on God’s truth, no matter what you are going through!

Looking forward to meeting you back here for Week 4!

Speak Truth Love

In our culture, we expect to analyze problems, figure them out and fix them, and do it quickly. We want an antidote, a quick fix, an immediate remedy. Give us a pill to take, we have a drive thru mentality. We order something online and expect home delivery in 24 hours or less. We take photos and videos on our phones, and we have access to the finished product immediately.  We don’t even flip through the pages of our Bibles, looking for the right book, and chapter, and verse. We just tap the app, and it pops up immediately. Give us a surgery, but God forbid we’d have to wait for the recovery. Suffice it to say, I am not a natural tummy sleeper!  

Waiting has become my way of life, rather than an occasional nuisance. What I wouldn’t give right now to stand in a line at the bank or the grocery store, seeing out of both eyes, and having actually driven myself there!  All of these things are not possible during my time of waiting. 

That is exactly where I find myself at the end of week 2. I still have no vision in my right eye. I still cannot travel over 1000 feet in elevation. I still cannot lift anything over 20 pounds. I still have to spend the majority of my day with my face down, parallel to the ground, and sleeping face down with my head on a pillow with a hole in it. 

So what do I do while God has called me to wait? Do I grow bitter, or angry, or frustrated at God because this process didn’t fit into my schedule? Not if my desired outcome is to learn what God has for me in the waiting.

The prophet Isaiah talks about waiting, and he puts it this way: “Those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30-31

“Waiting on the LORD” is act of faith. We trust that God will keep His promise until the time of fulfillment. When is that time of fulfillment for me?  That is up to God, not me. My job is to faithful and expectant in the waiting!

Because God was so clearly in my situation from the beginning–how He led us to a faithful Christ following doctor who even prayed with me around our bed–I can trust that the same God who was with me from the beginning will continue to be with me all the way through! By the way, this same doctor told me that it would most likely be six weeks or more for full vision recovery in my eye. 

I do not know what “waiting period” God has you in, my friends, but you are not alone, and while the waiting is hard, our God is able to renew our strength, no matter how weary we feel!

TRUTH BOMB

When I am out of control, I must trust that God is still in control!

I will meet you back here next week as I continue this journey of recovery. Have a blessed week friends!

Speak Truth Love

The “lazy days of Summer” have taken on a whole new meaning for me!

When I began this Summer series, “lazy days of Summer”, it was basically tongue-in-cheek!  Lazy is not in my vocabulary. I was raised by a dad who quoted mantras over my life, such as “Can’t died in the poorhouse”, and “You can do anything you set your mind to”, and “No one can make you do anything. You are in control of you.”  There was no excuse for being bored: there is always something to do! As a child, I heard these things regularly and completely believed them with my whole heart. Not only that, my dad was a professional athlete, so the worst thing in the world was doing nothing. I came home from school with a list of chores.Then I would practice my sport. Then I would do my homework, eat dinner and go to bed. 

   And my favorite book as a child was “The Little Engine That Could” with the quote “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”!

Many children grew up and rebelled against the demands of their parents. Others of us idolize our parents and believe the greatest achievement is to accomplish exactly what our parents expected of us. 

Now you would think that at my age, a mother and grandmother, I would have successfully transitioned through these expectations, but not me! These mantras became my lifestyle and as I aged, they only became more embedded into my identity. I’m the one you can count on. I’m the one who won’t grow weary and tired. I’m the one with boundless energy, and to me all things truly are possible!  

This past week, my identity came smashing against a brick wall, telling me I had no options. I found myself sitting in an examination chair in the Opthalmalogist’s office, having been diagnosed with a detached retina in my right eye and needing immediate surgery to repair it; and as the doctor stood squarely across from me and looked into my only functioning eye–my left one–and said, “You must do you. All things must stop.”  I said straight back to him, “I don’t do me!”  He responded, “Then you will go blind in your right eye.” He then quietly said he would give my husband and I a minute to discuss what we’d just been told, and try to digest it. He left the room saying that he already called the hospital and had scheduled my surgery for that same night. 

My head was spinning; my heart was pounding; and my pulse was accelerating!  I had 4 grandchildren under my care. My daughter and son-in-law were in Kenya on a missions trip. My daughter-in-law was in Chicago visiting a friend. My husband and I had a family wedding trip planned to Kansas. We had an anniversary trip planned after that, and I had responsibilities tutoring and at church! How in the world was any of this going to work?  

TRUTH BOMB

WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING, THEN GOD CAN BECOME EVERYTHING!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

This stark, cold realization I was faced with left all of my life mantras less than able to get me through this trial!

The only path I had was directly to my God. I would go blind without this procedure. I had to trust God and His perfect plan, and not my own. My husband and I called our son, and we held hands as he prayed over the situation. I would have to have this surgery, this night.

The doctor returned to the examination room and opened up with an apology. He said that he overheard the prayer, and that he too was a believer in Jesus Christ! Our hearts were immediately aware that God was in this. I may have been unable to handle the situation, but my God was more than able. There are still many more blogs to share, full of details of God’s provision and going before us, and me having a successful surgery. But for today, the greatest truth I learned is trusting in God over anything else I had ever known, or practiced, or learned. 

I look forward to sharing my journey on this experience, as this is a long recovery process. I know that God has much to teach me and to share with you. My prayer for you this week is that, whatever you encounter, you may feel like you have nothing, but that is the moment when God can become everything for you. God is my everything, and I am so eternally thankful!

Speak Truth Love