It can be hard to see the light when we are in the dark. When everything around you is darkness, it’s hard to remember that the light is still there. Even though I absolutely love sunrise and daylight, and prefer it when the light is bright, clear, and evident, it does not mean that I do not appreciate the sunset and understand that the moon’s glow still casts light. 

Yesterday marked five weeks of my healing process. The majority of that time, my right eye has been mainly dark with shadowy glimpses of light. And that is simply stating the physical facts. The mental game of wondering if my eyesight will ever return fully, coupled with the emotional state of waiting for the light to return, and the spiritual state of clinging to God through the light times that bring hope, and the dark times that feel hopeless, brought times that felt dark, with little light. The truth is, the Light is always there. Jesus is constant through the brightest moments of our life, as well as through the darkest valleys! His light shines in us and through us, and all around us, at all times if we belong to Him. Jesus is the Light, in every situation we face! Our responsibility is to look to the Light, and trust in Him to illuminate our dark places!

This fifth week brought me to my doctor’s visit with my surgeon. The physical appearance of my eye is much reduced swelling, and much less looking like a cyclops. My long-awaited eye test, which showed zero visibility the first time, revealed nothing but black. I could see no light whatsoever. 

I am going to be very vulnerable now, and share with you that the first eye exam, only 12 hours after surgery, produced severe anxiety. I felt extremely nauseous, dizzy, and faint. But after 5 weeks of trusting the Light, calling on the Light, and leaning into the Light, my eye exam this time produced 20/20 vision!  

I’d love to tell you that it’s been “light” and easy these past weeks, but that’s not been the case. Through it all, however, the Light has continued shine and guide my path. John the Apostle writes, “And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). 

I still have the gas bubble in my eye, and it continues to dissipate. I pray it will soon be gone, but it has been clear that the light that Jesus brings has shone through my entire experience! At times, it has been a bright beacon that is undeniable! Like when He provided a God-honoring doctor to perform my retina reattachment surgery, and walk me through this healing process. At other times, it has been evident, but dull, as I have clearly been in God’s waiting room, learning patience upon patience upon patience. And at other times, it has been nothing more than a reflection of Jesus Himself, as He has held my hand and walked with me through the darkest moments!

TRUTH BOMB

The light of Jesus is ever present, and it overcomes any darkness we go through!

Speak Truth Love

Yesterday marked the completion of week 4 in my recovery. Week 3 was by far the most difficult week physically, and the discouragement threatened to take hold. But through the faithful encouragement of God through His Word, and the loyal committed and loving people in my life, I was sustained. 

In the second week of my recovery, when my face was straight down, eyes parallel to the ground most of the days, my daughter came to me with tears in her eyes. She didn’t understand why I had to go through something like this, but she believed God had given her one of the reasons. She had been praying for the last couple of months about who the speaker should be for their quarterly Mom’s Night event. She looked straight at me and said, “Mom, I’ve asked God over and over, and I believe it’s supposed to be you.”  I wish this had not been my initial response, but I have committed to being authentic in this Blog. I laughed! How in the world could she be serious?  Besides my eye looking horrific, somewhat like a cyclops, I still had no vision in my right eye at all, and laying face down for two weeks had left me nauseous and dizzy. My girl is my “no nonsense, take care of business, steady Eddy, gift from God.” She meant what she was saying, and believed with all her heart that God had affirmed it. 

If I have learned anything in my 62 years, it is not to say no to God. I said, with tears in my eyes, back to her, that I would do it. I was so honored and so very humbled that she would believe in me. I began praying about it. They had a theme, “I Will Choose to Cultivate a Culture of Intentionality in my Home.”  And a Scripture verse: “Her children arise and call her blessed…”  Proverbs 31:28. 

But if God wanted me to speak for Him, I fully believed He would accelerate my healing process and make that possible!

Now if you remember my third week, the week I committed to this, that was my worst week ever. I made it through and assumed that God had one week left.  As time drew closer and closer to the event, my heart began to sink. Maybe Christina heard wrong?  There was no way that I could walk up on that stage unassisted, let alone speak God’s truth without falling over or tripping on something! And I certainly wouldn’t be wearing any makeup on that right eye, that I still couldn’t even flush with water.  My mind began swirling as I continually asked God over and over, “How am I going to do this?”  

The day of the event, I spent all morning and into the afternoon, writing my message on binder paper, as well and as big and as legible as I could. My head was spinning as my partial sight, which was returning to my right eye, halfway down, was still blurred. My left eye, battling to correct the vision, was blurry also. I would write, and then I’d have to stop and rest my eyes, and then continue writing. My goal was to get it onto my iPad, and then increase the font size. But there was no way my worn out eyes were going to allow that to happen. I resigned myself to the fact that I would be walking on stage, with assistance, holding 15 ripped out spiral notebook paper (can anybody say old school?) and give it my best shot. 

I do want to stop here and praise God, that He, through the 2 weeks, continuously helped me to fight through it and not give up. My daughter is the most sincere, dedicated, committed godly woman I know. She had heard from God that it was supposed to be me. So I had no doubt that God had a plan for me to be on that stage that night. My problem was, I had no idea what God was going to do with me in my fragile, weak state. 

The energy in the room that night was amazing! The humble, dedicated servants that had worked so hard to make that place look so warm and welcoming to those mammas renewed my spirit for God’s people and their commitment to one another. This was God’s night, and I knew He had already shown up. All I had to do was trust Him and step out in faith!

I made it on stage with no assistance. I may have looked like I was 82 walking up those stairs, but I did it. I sat my notes on the podium and realized immediately as i looked down on them, I could not read one thing I had written on that paper. This was God’s night and He and only He knew what those women needed to hear. I trusted Him for it and I started speaking and never stopped for 40 minutes straight!  God had given me a message and had written it on my heart. He brought everything to my mind, just when I needed it. I pray with all my heart that those sweet mamas were blessed. They, beyond a shadow of a doubt, knew that I loved them, but God loved loved them more! But this Mama/Mamma was touched beyond measure. My God showed me that He will use me, even in my fragility and weakness.

As Paul says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

2 Corinthians 12:10

Truth Bomb

Our Fragility & Weakness Is Not An Obstacle for God!

Speak Truth Love

Knowing Truth

Reading Truth

Clinging to Truth

Claim what you know to be true, so you can cling to what will become true!

What I Know to be Truth:

I know God created me and my eyes, and His plan was for me to see. 

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.”  

Psalm 139:13-14

What I Know to be Truth:

I know God led me to a godly doctor, who prayed with me and was available to do the surgery immediately, when it needed to be done(He actually stayed late to do the surgery).

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  

Matthew 7:11

What I Know to be Truth:

I know that it was God’s perfect timing, in allowing my husband to have time off and to walk through the surgery and the first appointments with me. 

What I Read in God’s Truth: 

“Two are better than one, for they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”   Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

What I Know to be Truth:

I know that God surrounded me with His angels and held my hand through the almost two hour surgery as I was awake for it. As I was completely strapped down, I had to give my claustrophobia to God and remain perfectly still and He helped me through it.

What I Read in God’s Truth:

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”  Isaiah 26:3

Clinging to Truth: 

Because I know the truth, because I read God’s truth, I can cling to God’s truth when I am about to lose my grip! 

Yesterday marked Week 3 for me in my recovery. I expected week 3 to be better than weeks 1 and 2. After all, isn’t that what recovery implies? It should get better and better each week, if not each day. But week 3 for me was the hardest of all. This active body that loves to do, do, do, and go, go, go, actually started to feel physical harm from not being able to use my body like I used to. Having to be in one position, having to not move, proved to be as frustrating and excruciating as the waiting. But as I felt my grip releasing, I knew that in order not to fall, I had to cling to the truth, and not simply give in to my circumstances. God’s evident and active hand over me from the beginning of this has been obvious to me. His word is Truth and I know it never fails. God has proven this to me over and over again. I know this will pass, and I know this is part of the healing process. And above all, I know that my grip is firm as I hold fast to the truth about God and his grip on me!

Truth Bomb

God’s grip on me is always firmer than my grip on Him!

And my grip grows weak, I will keep knowing, reading, and clinging to God’s Truth. I know that this formula God has for me is that same formula that God has for you. So keep your grip on God’s truth, no matter what you are going through!

Looking forward to meeting you back here for Week 4!

Speak Truth Love

In our culture, we expect to analyze problems, figure them out and fix them, and do it quickly. We want an antidote, a quick fix, an immediate remedy. Give us a pill to take, we have a drive thru mentality. We order something online and expect home delivery in 24 hours or less. We take photos and videos on our phones, and we have access to the finished product immediately.  We don’t even flip through the pages of our Bibles, looking for the right book, and chapter, and verse. We just tap the app, and it pops up immediately. Give us a surgery, but God forbid we’d have to wait for the recovery. Suffice it to say, I am not a natural tummy sleeper!  

Waiting has become my way of life, rather than an occasional nuisance. What I wouldn’t give right now to stand in a line at the bank or the grocery store, seeing out of both eyes, and having actually driven myself there!  All of these things are not possible during my time of waiting. 

That is exactly where I find myself at the end of week 2. I still have no vision in my right eye. I still cannot travel over 1000 feet in elevation. I still cannot lift anything over 20 pounds. I still have to spend the majority of my day with my face down, parallel to the ground, and sleeping face down with my head on a pillow with a hole in it. 

So what do I do while God has called me to wait? Do I grow bitter, or angry, or frustrated at God because this process didn’t fit into my schedule? Not if my desired outcome is to learn what God has for me in the waiting.

The prophet Isaiah talks about waiting, and he puts it this way: “Those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30-31

“Waiting on the LORD” is act of faith. We trust that God will keep His promise until the time of fulfillment. When is that time of fulfillment for me?  That is up to God, not me. My job is to faithful and expectant in the waiting!

Because God was so clearly in my situation from the beginning–how He led us to a faithful Christ following doctor who even prayed with me around our bed–I can trust that the same God who was with me from the beginning will continue to be with me all the way through! By the way, this same doctor told me that it would most likely be six weeks or more for full vision recovery in my eye. 

I do not know what “waiting period” God has you in, my friends, but you are not alone, and while the waiting is hard, our God is able to renew our strength, no matter how weary we feel!

TRUTH BOMB

When I am out of control, I must trust that God is still in control!

I will meet you back here next week as I continue this journey of recovery. Have a blessed week friends!

Speak Truth Love

The “lazy days of Summer” have taken on a whole new meaning for me!

When I began this Summer series, “lazy days of Summer”, it was basically tongue-in-cheek!  Lazy is not in my vocabulary. I was raised by a dad who quoted mantras over my life, such as “Can’t died in the poorhouse”, and “You can do anything you set your mind to”, and “No one can make you do anything. You are in control of you.”  There was no excuse for being bored: there is always something to do! As a child, I heard these things regularly and completely believed them with my whole heart. Not only that, my dad was a professional athlete, so the worst thing in the world was doing nothing. I came home from school with a list of chores.Then I would practice my sport. Then I would do my homework, eat dinner and go to bed. 

   And my favorite book as a child was “The Little Engine That Could” with the quote “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”!

Many children grew up and rebelled against the demands of their parents. Others of us idolize our parents and believe the greatest achievement is to accomplish exactly what our parents expected of us. 

Now you would think that at my age, a mother and grandmother, I would have successfully transitioned through these expectations, but not me! These mantras became my lifestyle and as I aged, they only became more embedded into my identity. I’m the one you can count on. I’m the one who won’t grow weary and tired. I’m the one with boundless energy, and to me all things truly are possible!  

This past week, my identity came smashing against a brick wall, telling me I had no options. I found myself sitting in an examination chair in the Opthalmalogist’s office, having been diagnosed with a detached retina in my right eye and needing immediate surgery to repair it; and as the doctor stood squarely across from me and looked into my only functioning eye–my left one–and said, “You must do you. All things must stop.”  I said straight back to him, “I don’t do me!”  He responded, “Then you will go blind in your right eye.” He then quietly said he would give my husband and I a minute to discuss what we’d just been told, and try to digest it. He left the room saying that he already called the hospital and had scheduled my surgery for that same night. 

My head was spinning; my heart was pounding; and my pulse was accelerating!  I had 4 grandchildren under my care. My daughter and son-in-law were in Kenya on a missions trip. My daughter-in-law was in Chicago visiting a friend. My husband and I had a family wedding trip planned to Kansas. We had an anniversary trip planned after that, and I had responsibilities tutoring and at church! How in the world was any of this going to work?  

TRUTH BOMB

WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING, THEN GOD CAN BECOME EVERYTHING!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

This stark, cold realization I was faced with left all of my life mantras less than able to get me through this trial!

The only path I had was directly to my God. I would go blind without this procedure. I had to trust God and His perfect plan, and not my own. My husband and I called our son, and we held hands as he prayed over the situation. I would have to have this surgery, this night.

The doctor returned to the examination room and opened up with an apology. He said that he overheard the prayer, and that he too was a believer in Jesus Christ! Our hearts were immediately aware that God was in this. I may have been unable to handle the situation, but my God was more than able. There are still many more blogs to share, full of details of God’s provision and going before us, and me having a successful surgery. But for today, the greatest truth I learned is trusting in God over anything else I had ever known, or practiced, or learned. 

I look forward to sharing my journey on this experience, as this is a long recovery process. I know that God has much to teach me and to share with you. My prayer for you this week is that, whatever you encounter, you may feel like you have nothing, but that is the moment when God can become everything for you. God is my everything, and I am so eternally thankful!

Speak Truth Love